dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Are my feet made of real feet?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Text me some of your sweat
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
