whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
