I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
