the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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