you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
