dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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