The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
