Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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