Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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