I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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