I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
