I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
