i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
