it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
