The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
