I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
