Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize