I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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