Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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