Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
