Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
