That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
