I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
