How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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