Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
