So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize