I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
