you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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