I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
