Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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