I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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