We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
did i walk over a car last night?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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