I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
