Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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