The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
