I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize