If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
