so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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