so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
