Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
