guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize