I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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