lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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