is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
