I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
