Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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