My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There are leaves in my underwear?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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