I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
