pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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