we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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