Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
