There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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