Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
