similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Did I show you my penis last night?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
