Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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