i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
