When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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