I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
