Your tits are I can't wait for
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize