Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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