He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
