What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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