Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
