he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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