don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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