i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
