Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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