Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
