Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
